Communication for Connection

S - Story/Subjective Experience

• This may be your initial response to the situation. You may feel triggered or as if something has just happened to you

O - Objective Observance

• This is what an outside observer would say happened in the moment. Just the facts without making it personal (i.e. your personal opinions, analysis, or judgement)

F - Feelings that arise

• What feelings are alive for you in this moment? name the feeling without story (i.e. sad, angry, exuberant...use feelings chart to help identify feelings)

N - Needs that are connected to the feelings

• Are the feelings that are present connected to a need that is unmet? Unmet needs can relate to stories of the past. Share what needs come up for you.

R - Requests for self/partner for future occurrences

• What would support you coming back to connection (self/partner) when a future conflict/trigger happens? You make requests of yourself &/or your partner. Your partner is not obligated to meet those requests. This may begin the process over again and open the opportunity to grow your support for each other.

• This format can be adapted to a variety of situations

• Helps you have difficult conversations while leaning in to connection

• Start practicing on smaller less triggering occurrences

• One partner shares at a time. Listener only asks clarifying questions.

• Speaker may request listener to reflect back what they heard so far

• this can help speaker go deeper into their experience

• If you feel too triggered to practice, let partner know that you will need to set a date to come back to it when you are feeling more calm